Can't embed the video, but you all know the song "Small Town" by John Mellencamp, right? That's the theme song of this post. There is no other song in my head right now.
I had a routine doctor appointment this morning. It lasted less than 20 minutes. I need to take a prescription daily. I will need to for the rest of my life. Part of my brain (the really stupid part, obviously) thinks this is dumb and rebels. I haven't taken this prescription regularly EVER and this time I haven't really had any of it for close to a year. Obviously, I don't die quickly without it, but I would eventually die if I don't take this stupid tiny pill. Side effects of not taking it include: irritability, mood swings, muscle weakness, fatigue, blurry vision, diminished hearing. So I turn into a moodly sloth who has to squint to see the TV. Yeah, not fun. Eventually, I get inspired to start taking it again, and I go to my doctor and she tells me, again, that I need to keep taking it. So, today was my mea culpa day. Again. In a few days, I will have a ton more energy and I will get back up on that damn treadmill more frequently. I can honestly say that I hadn't completely stopped using the treadmill. But less often than once a weak is not exactly a regular routine either. When it's an effort to pick up a bag weighing less than 10 pounds, you know you have extreme muscle fatigue.
So, anyway, after leaving the doctor's office, I pointed my car west towards home. It was a beautiful, sunny morning and I had the iPod plugged into the car stereo and was enjoying the drive. I don't own a car, I was driving my mom's car. She has to work today so I have my own use of the car all to myself today. I was driving along, thinking of the stuff I need to do at home this afternoon before picking the dog up at the vet and singing along with whatever song came up on random shuffle. Nothing in particular made me do it, but when I approached the exit for my house, I didn't move the car over to the right. I kept going. The day was beautiful and I really like to drive. One of the things I miss about being in high school in a small town and college in a small town was having my own car and the freedom to drive anywhere I wanted to go (sometimes this was a necessity to have to drive long distances just to find something to DO). Living in the city, having an 8-minute commute to work, having no friends and therefore no social life, I don't get out much. There's just something about the open road, the stereo cranked and not having a place to be (or a nagging mother wanting to know WHERE you are going) that is so...liberating.
In no time at all (they don't call them the Twin Cities for nothing), I found myself nearing Minneapolis. I kept driving and eventually decided to exit the interstate in downtown. I have never actually driven, even accompanied by someone who knows it, in downtown Minneapolis. The last time I had ever even BEEN in downtown Minneapolis was 8 YEARS ago when I started my job. I had my test/orientation at the HR offices there. I was born in St. Paul and am most comfortable here. But, again, because I don't get out much I mostly know how to get from point A to point B. I don't really know the city that well either, but I have a general idea of where things are.
So, I exit the interstate and start driving around. Being a typical downtown, there's a gazillion one way streets and I have no idea how much of the downtown area I actually saw, but I drove around for nearly an hour. By 40 minutes into my "adventure" I was trying to figure out how to get OUT. Unfortunately, only morons decide to have an adventure randomly driving around downtown areas, so there were no signs advising me where to go. I didn't have to stop and ask for directions, though. I eventually found myself leaving downtown, heading south, so I had to turn around and go north to go east again to come back home.
I felt like country mouse. And all this time, I thought I was a city mouse.
This doesn't mean I won't do this again. I really should. I rely too much on my parents. I had an argument with my younger brother a few weeks ago. He's going to be 30 this year and he still does not have a driver's license. He relys on my parents (or me) to drive him to and pick him up from work five days a week and I resent having to do it when I am asked. I resent my parents having to do it. It's expensive for them and time-consuming. And when they're gone, it will be left up to me if he continues to refuse to get a license. My younger brother has some developmental delays, but he would be capable of handling a car to and from work. He's just scared (though he won't admit it). I was really tired one night and my mom asked me to take him (which meant I had to delay getting home two hours) and I basically ripped my brother a new asshole the whole way to work over it. We still haven't really made up over it. And a lot of what I said to him rings true for me. I can't live the rest of my life relying on my parents to get me through.
So, that means I need to get my health in order and figure out how to navigate those scary city streets alone. Whether my mom wants to let me do so is a whole other matter for another post. I have to do this whole "becoming independent" thing in secret because my mom is so co-dependent, she would view this as if I don't love her any more.
Well, tough shit.
On the other hand, coming to Minnesota any time soon? You might want to drive. I can navigate...with a map.
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